Learning to Rest

Welcoming Ease Into My Life

As a Black woman raised in the American South (rural NC), I was taught that hard work and struggle was a cemented way of life. At home, we learned that we were to work extra hard in school, despite unfair obstacles that may come our way. My sister and I were trained to expect to struggle and grapple with things uniquely experienced by a Black woman and that in those moments we would double down to work even harder to overcome them. I was to excel in school (A-B student!), participate in clubs (girl scouts, theatre, yearbook, student government), attempt to play a sport (I tried!), learn to play an instrument (piano, clarinet, and bassoon), be a leader in church (youth leader). Multi-tasking and managing multiple ways of “working” and excelling was going to be my ticket to a good life, a good citizen. My goal was to be a great student all-around. The perfectionism that developed was met by praise and celebration from friends and family. I believed that in order to be me, I had to keep the level and pace of work moving forward. My mind and body were already trained to go-go-go!

It wasn’t until I got to college (first-generation college student) that I realized that I was TIRED! I was experiencing a new level of freedom to choose how I worked, how hard I worked, and what I worked towards. And I grappled with this newfound freedom through early adulthood. When I intended to rest, do less, just be a part of as opposed to a leader of, feelings of self-doubt and fear set in. Who was I if I wasn’t always working towards something? How can I rest if I wanted to achieve my goals?

In my early career, I remember having a great job with a great job organization where I was in leadership and able to work as hard as I wanted to. I had great colleagues, interesting work, and a passion for the work. Yet every 6 months or so, my body would completely shut down. I would take a week off, go to the doctor, and she would constantly prescribe REST! There was nothing medically wrong with me. The pain, fatigue, and “sickness” were migraines that were brought on my lack of sleep and stress. I continued to ignore the signs and went on to take a job with even more responsibility. For a moment, I intended to show up differently , and in ways that prioritized myself.  But that was short-lived.

I realized about 15 years ago that rest had to be an anchor in my life. And it has been a journey to where I am today. What has been most transformational is learning that when I am rested:

• …I am more myself;
• …I am grounded;
• … I can do hard things without the high cost to my emotional, mental, and physical self; and
• …I am more human.

On our annual family beach trip this year, I brought along my Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck and encouraged others to take a peak.  Me and two of my sister friends bonded over this deck and we all breathed a little easier and rested a bit more as we took to our rooms a few cards to meditate on for the week. Though we all live different lives, rest is essential for us all.

At least weekly, I choose a card and meditate on it to remind myself of the importance of rest. The resistance to the work ethic I learned from childhood and in our society today IS WORK and I still need constant reminders. Through these cards, the deep partnership with my colleagues, and openness of my clients, I am routinely practicing to rest. And my life is better for it!

“Rest is a lifelong practice.” - Trisha Hersey

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” - Audre Lorde